picking at scabs

or maybe more like ripping at scabs with a rusty pin. or at skin. yeah, skin is better, smooth an pink and damageable.

once again i find myself drawn to something terrible for me. my psychologist (how bourgeouis and utterly ridiculous does that sound?!) says he, or rather the relationship, messy and fucked up beyond repair, is like an addiction for me. and it is. i know that it will never work. i know that he will never change. that he is not fixed, that I am not fixed, there is nothing that is going to make the relationship magically work for us all of a sudden.

aaron says its like a sickness, and i just have to realize that when it comes to the relationship, and maybe relationships in general, i have this tendency towards being ill, which i have to keep in mind at all times. that relationship, for both of us, is such a twisted, terrible, broken, dysfunctional thing. So why am i still not so sure that i won't get dragged back down?